Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
