Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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