ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
