so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
