theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
