Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Randomize
