every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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