Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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