I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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