My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
