It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize