I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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