I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Your penis caused this!
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