I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
