But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We don't watch enough power rangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize