New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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