So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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