she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
