First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
