she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
