I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
