it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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