party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Randomize
