I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
