Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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