I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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