Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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