The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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