I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I think I sprained my soul last night
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
