Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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