Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
