my being single is dangerous.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
