Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
