How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
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The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
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He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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