She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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