Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
