I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
