No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
