Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
