If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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