I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
