My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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