My Higher Power is John Stamos
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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