He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
