I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize