At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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