he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
