You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
