we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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