Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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