I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
