brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
