Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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