we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
