Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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