There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
