i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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