DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
