Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
