can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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