I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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