u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
