The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
