Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you win again, gameday.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
