I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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