omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
