Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
