I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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