She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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