hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Holy shit dude........stairs
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
