My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
