My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
