It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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