do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Your penis caused this!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
