too bad you live with your parents still
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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