Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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